...the most WONDERFUL time of the year

It really is.

Sending lots of love and thoughts your way...

Merry Christmas My Love!

Reflecting...

I should be in bed right now, but sadly the computer is winning.

Why you ask?

Well, I started looking at old holiday photos of US together. Back when it was JUST us and then to the days when it was ALL of us...

Those were the days, look at those baby faces:

December 2002

Our first Christmas married and our 1st yr anniversary

(Hallie was around for these pictures too, but since she was only about the size of a Lego man you can't really see her ;)

...and then to December 2008

6 years and 2 kiddos later

Wish I could go back to this time 2 years ago...

LOVE my family and always LOVING you.

Cracks...

Today was the day.

It was time for the dingy (and stinky) pink cast to COME OFF.

We headed to the Dr's office bright and early, ready to be rid of this "ball and chain":

Waiting for the Dr to come in

The Dr comes in and says, "Come with me, let's go take a look at the X-rays..."

He pulls them up, takes a few looks and then he says, "hmmm...."

(Hmmmm... what is THAT supposed to mean?)

"Well, it looks like she won't be getting it off today. I am really sorry! See that line... that CRACK right there? It's still broken... it still needs time to heal. Why don't you plan on coming back next week."

Sooooo, that means ONE more week of stinkiness, ONE more week of bathtime supervision, ONE MORE WEEK of this BALL and CHAIN!

As we are leaving, Hallie proceeds to tell me about what she does on the MONKEY BARS at school.

MONKEY BARS- WhAt?!?!?!?

Can you believe your daughter?

Dang cracks...

I saw another one today, except this one made me laugh!

Man o Man. What would I do without these two?!?

Love THEM... Love YOU

Miss you Babe- ALWAYS.

OUR adorable Birthday boy...

A mom who likes to take photos + an adorable birthday boy = LOTS and LOTS OF PICTURES

(Consider THAT your warning ;)

This was 100% HIS choice of songs, he LOVES them!

***

On November 17, 2006 our life was greatly blessed with the addition of our sweet, baby boy:

Max HUNTER Hess

*Max is our SILLY boy*

He says funny things and will do crazy things just to make us laugh.

He loves his "STHith-tuh" and looks forward to her arrival after school.

Hallie is his BEST friend.

Max has always been the mellow-er of our two kids- he is a chill little guy (much like his Dad). He enjoys being outside, watching TV and LOVES playing on ANYTHING electronic.

He loves ALL things with motors. If it can go "vroom vroom" you will find him trying to drive/ride it!

He enjoys playing with (and on) cars/tractors and plays with Lego's on a daily basis.

He loves guns and pretend shooting and will use just about anything to be his makeshift "gun." He really likes tools and anytime he sees them he tries to "help" fix something.

I can't believe our Curious George watching, Where the Wild Things Are reading, itouch loving tot is now 4...

(Max LOVES watching Curious George EVERY morning and when Ryan saw this book he knew he had to get it for his little "monkeys")

?!?!Wow... 4... ReAllY?!?!

The night before, I got all the presents out so Max had something FUN to wake up to.

&

crepe papered his bedroom door:

*

Max woke up BRIGHT and early. He was SO excited to open presents...

BUT he didn't want to break through his door, so he spent the day getting in and out of his room like THIS:

(He loved it... but I got tired of it REAL fast)

***

After we got Hallie off to school, it was time to get some balloons and head off for a birthday photo shoot...

So this picture BEST describes Max's personality:

"How old are you Bubz"

*

~Smile Bubba~

Ha ha... I get this look A LOT:

It's called the "Seriously Mom?!? You want ANOTHER picture" look

*

Man oh man... what a handsome little feller WE have

***

After the shoot, we rushed home to get everything ready for the Birthday Party.

I wanted something EASY and no stress...

So I opted for a party at the park, ordered pizza and bought cupcakes. (Am I lazy, or just smart?!?!?! I say SMART!!!!)

Someone just had to take a little sneak peak...

(definitely his FATHERS son!!!)

Let the present opening BEGIN:

A POP gun

Who'd ever think sugary cereal would make a boy SO happy...

...that's what happens when your Mom doesn't buy it (I know, I'm mean like that!)

~Happy Birthday to YOU~

It was a fun party, but the fun wasn't over yet...

It was time to head off to the Tucson Children's Museum. Max LOVES the Children's Museum and asks frequently when we can go. He was SO excited to be going to his favorite place.

The excitement lasted only a short while because this BIRTHDAY BOY was out fast

The cat nap gave him all the energy he needed to let LOOSE and have a blast.

Children's Museum fun:

I love Max's little cheekies, they are getting less chubby as he gets older. Ryan always thought I was a little weird when I would say this, but I think they are so cute I just want to take a little nibble.

Yes, that's right...on those little cheekies right THERE:

***

Once home, we opened the remaining family presents:

&

sang the final Happy Birthday for the day

Max wanted another construction cake for his birthday. Definitely not my best work, but he was happy and that's ALL that matters!

***

Happy Birthday Bubz

Thank you for brightening our lives with your wit and laughter

~We love you~

***

It was a wonderful day. So glad we could ALL be there for it...

Feelings...

So I am often asked, "How are you doing?"

My reply is usually, "Really good" (accompanied with a smile)

...and yes, I am usually doing JUST fine and that smile is completely genuine.

But then there are times, like RIGHT now, where I am just sitting here, looking at pictures and thinking about how good life was:

Two BEAUTIFUL children:

Ryan had a job/residency that he loved

We had a happy/healthy marriage (I am not trying to act like it was perfect, but it was really good. Did we get frustrated with one another- of course, who doesn't!?!??!)

We were VERY much in love and just enjoying life.

Then cancer came...

It changed a lot of things.

Am I angry?-No

Am I sad- YES

Do I miss Ryan?- INSANELY so...

So here I am listening to THIS song and I think about how wonderful things were. How I miss having my best friend by my side to talk to, laugh with, cry with, vent and complain to, annoy, tease and just love with ALL my heart.

That loving has not stopped, nor will it ever.

I miss you Babe, I miss everything WE had together.

I still remember hearing this song on the radio after having Hallie, she was only a week old and I had to return back to school and I just sat in the car crying because I thought of how lucky I was to be married to such an AMAZING person, who was now the father of our child.

And now I sit here crying because nothing has changed, you are STILL amazing and a million times more than I thought 7 years ago...

(Mother's Day 2010- one week before Ryan passed away)

***

"I am the man who will fight for your honor... I'll be the hero that you're dreaming of. We'll live forever, knowing together that we did it all for the GLORY OF LOVE."

Thank you for being my EVERYTHING then, now and forever!!!!

Love you...

Just a baby...

As much as I don't want to think about it- it's here.

Our baby boy is going to be 4 tomorrow!

WOW... where has the time gone?!? I swear he was just 18 months!!!!

This shirt DEFINITELY describes his personality:

As much as this little turkey drives me crazy, I can't help but smile because he always has me laughing- much like SOMEONE I know...

There is so much of you in him and I am SO grateful for that.

Tomorrow also marks your 6 month anniversary- it will be a bittersweet day. Days like tomorrow are hard because I just want SO badly for you to physically be here, but I know your love and goodness will be shining down upon your baby boy.

Tomorrow is going to be an exciting day... someone special is turning 4!