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11.18.2010

Feelings...

So I am often asked, "How are you doing?"

My reply is usually, "Really good" (accompanied with a smile)
...and yes, I am usually doing JUST fine and that smile is completely genuine.

But then there are times, like RIGHT now, where I am just sitting here, looking at pictures and thinking about how good life was:

Two BEAUTIFUL children:

Ryan had a job/residency that he loved
We had a happy/healthy marriage (I am not trying to act like it was perfect, but it was really good. Did we get frustrated with one another- of course, who doesn't!?!??!)
We were VERY much in love and just enjoying life.

Then cancer came...

It changed a lot of things.

Am I angry?-No

Am I sad- YES

Do I miss Ryan?- INSANELY so...

So here I am listening to THIS song and I think about how wonderful things were. How I miss having my best friend by my side to talk to, laugh with, cry with, vent and complain to, annoy, tease and just love with ALL my heart.

That loving has not stopped, nor will it ever.

I miss you Babe, I miss everything WE had together.

I still remember hearing this song on the radio after having Hallie, she was only a week old and I had to return back to school and I just sat in the car crying because I thought of how lucky I was to be married to such an AMAZING person, who was now the father of our child.

And now I sit here crying because nothing has changed, you are STILL amazing and a million times more than I thought 7 years ago...

(Mother's Day 2010- one week before Ryan passed away)

***

"I am the man who will fight for your honor... I'll be the hero that you're dreaming of. We'll live forever, knowing together that we did it all for the GLORY OF LOVE."


Thank you for being my EVERYTHING then, now and forever!!!!


Love you...



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6 comments:

Hi I'm Lindsey! said...

Tears...thank you for sharing how you are doing. It's so great to hear. I love this knew blog. What a great idea! You are still in our prayers often.

Cheryl said...

Amazing. You have me in tears yet again. You are an amazing woman.
I will never think of that song the same way again. I've always loved it but now it will always make me think of you and Ryan.

whirligigdaisy said...

Your little boy is adorable and the running. Wow. Go girl.

Miranda said...

Always thinking of you Margie.

Mindy Burns said...

I thought about you a lot on the 6th month anniversary and didn't know what to say besides just making it about Max's birthday. Thank you for your honesty and sharing your deep feelings. It helps those around you know what you're going through/thinking.....I'm so glad we go to know Ryan during that "perfect" time in both your lives....

Prior Family said...

There just aren't words. You have an amazing strength. Your kids will be eternal blessed for the mother they have to raise them. Hang in there.